Eye see the Light

Eye love peoples' eyes. I mean, I love peoples' eyes. For one thing, eyes look really cool—this glossy, smooth ball of color and movement set in all of our faces—how is one expected not to stare at them!? But more than that, eyes have such depth. I have always loved looking people in the eyes—it helps me listen to them. Eyes can speak a lot of words if you listen. I remember reading Jane Eyre (by Charlotte Bronte) in high school—I don't remember very much about the book but I remember this: “The soul, fortunately, has an interpreter-often an unconscious but still a faithful interpreter-in the eye.” I have appreciated this quote and understood what it meant to an extent, but my time in South Asia has brought a whole new level of eye appreciation. I remember telling people in my first couple of weeks here that I could see the darkness and lostness in people's eyes. And it's true. I would look in the begger woman's eyes and find something missing—something that I had always just expected to see in eyes when I looked in them. At first I identified this as a lost soul. But as my time here increases and the longer I am unable to fully understand the words those around me are speaking, the more I rely on listening to their eyes. As I have listened this is what I heard: Pain. Sadness. Hardship. Poverty. Hopelessness. Never have I been so fully exposed to such unyielding destitution. No one is immune to it. All around me there is deprivation. Even if you live in a mansion here, you still have to walk outside in the sewage and trash and breath in the disease ridden air. No body is immune and there is no end in sight. There is no answer. And everybody knows and it feels it, all the way to their souls they feel it. That is what their eyes scream—hopelessness. The hopelessness has a tendency to overwhelm, a soul crushing overwhelmth that is difficult to describe and impossible to overcome.

Today as I sat in my friend's house in the slum and I listened to her story of the day I had that all too familiar overwhelmth over taking me. It's not fair, this life, I thought. How can one be expected to bear it? But as I sat there and listened, I looked in her eyes. They were full and vibrant. Yes, there was a sadness laced in there, but her eyes were whole. My friend is a follower. And she is not hopeless. She has found the answer and she has already overcome. She may not be immune to the unyielding destitution all around her, but she is immune to it overtaking her soul. Because her soul is overtaken by Something else. And it shines straight from her soul thru her eyes, out to everyone around her-peace. Joy. Hope.There is Light in this darkness and it is eye wonder. A wonder.

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! Matthew 6:22-23

"If you are the sun than I wanna be the moon"

Today as I rode back to my home in my South Asian city I was captivated by the beautiful, radiant sun that was setting over the city. I was struck, as I often have been over the past 7 months of living here, by the realization that I live in South Asia. This is where the Father in His Sovereignty has placed me for this season of my life. And as I watched the city pass below me with that radiant sun shining down on it I was overwhelmed by His goodness in having me here. There may not be much that is seen to our human eyes that I can tell you has been accomplished through me being here. But He is the Son. He is the radiant Son. I am so BLESSED that He has chosen me to reflect His glory in this city. To be His light in the midst of the darkness. And this is real. I was reminded in a podcast by David Platt yesterday that each moment that I sit with my Father I am being made more in His image. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says, "And the Lord--who is the Spirit--makes us more and more like him as we are changed into His glorious image." Exodus 34:29 first speaks of this glorious transformation: "When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the covenant law in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord. When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him." Gosh. Isn't that incredible?! When we spend time with the Lord we come away with faces radiant with His glory. Phil Wickham sings this prayer so beautifully in his song "Sun/Moon"--"If you are the sun than I wanna be the moon." I want to reflect the Son just as the moon reflects the sun. We are the children of light and we can go confidently onto the battlefield because He is making us shine His image to all those around us! And so as I rode home staring at that radiant sun I prayed. I prayed that I would be His radiant light in this dark city. And as the metro doors opened at the stop for my home, I stepped out into the fullness of the sun's rays and I stood there for just a moment and I let the brightness soak into my very skin. And I carried that glow all the way home with me. 

Naya Phaard

"New Mountain"

If you know me at all you know that I love the outdoors. I love exploring nature and getting to experience the Lord's creation. I love wide open spaces to let my thoughts run as far out and as hight up as they can go. I love the challenge presented in adventure--the joys of experiencing something new and seeing something I have never seen before and allowing it to expand my thoughts and push me closer to my Lord as I strive to conquer any obstacles that may come in the adventure.

My new city doesn't offer much in the form of open spaces or pretty scenery or high mountains to climb. Instead it offers high rise apartment buildings as far as the eye can see. Crammed so close beside each other one could reach out their window and touch their neighbor's window. Each flat houses a family, probably of 4 or more. These are my new mountains. As I looked out across my city today I recognized the high and challenging climb of each of these "mountains". These are not ordinary mountains that one can just climb on a whim. These are mountains that must be conquered thru much prayer and love and perseverance and endurance. This is my new adventure, the new race set before that I will strive to run with endurance. That I train for every day as I sit and listen to a language unfamiliar to my ear.

I love my new mountains. 

Inspired By...

I have thrown these words out a few times in the last week, mostly in jest (ever seen the youtube video “Kittens inspired by Kittens”?), but this morning I want to take a moment and reflect on some inspiration from this past year. A year ago today my Grandma died. Two weeks later one of my friend's from high school had stillborn twins. Two weeks later, a dear friend of 22 died of a sudden heart attack. These things affected me deeply. But as I reflect on them today, I realize how the Lord used these three events to inspire me. The number one definition for “inspire” is, “to affect, guide, or arouse by divine influence.” The events of last summer affected me deeply, but they also guided me to the point of no return in recognizing that this life is short, and people are dying every day without ever hearing the name of Jesus. How can I claim to serve an all loving God and still sit by in peace knowing there are people dying without ever knowing Truth? These events inspired in me a fear-conquering desire to go-for the sake of His name.Today, a year later, I am sitting in South Asia writing this blog post. I have been here two months and even in that short amount of time, if I am honest, I will say that I have already become slightly desensitized to the darkness and lostness and death around me. My first week here I shared the Truth with several people. In the last month I have not spoken the Truth to one lost person. Granted, I don't know the language of the majority of the people here and since that first week, I have been in a village where English is not as common. But the fact remains that I have lost my initial passion, my initial inspiration. Lord, help me-I want to be “Sarah inspired by Jesus”.This day, the anniversary of my Grandma's death, I am coming back to inspiration-His divine influence. I look back over this past year and see His hand leading me and guiding me, inspiring me to go and make His name known, and I end this blog post to go and run with endurance this race He has guided me to. It may feel like a marathon but even marathons have an ending. And when I cross that finish line I want to be sore. I want to feel like I ran hard. I want to hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant”. 

1910

Why I loooooveeee my house:

I live with my best friend.
My best friend owns the best dog in the world who also lives with us.
My best friend also happens to be one of my favorite models of ministry and I get to watch and participate in ministry with her. Everyday.
I can bike 3 minutes down the road and be biking in the country side for hours. With horses. And cows. And goats.
My neighbors across the street sit in their driveway each evening with big ol whataburger cups just kicking it, inviting anyone to join them. And they are hilarious. And have sleeve tattoos.
We can grow pretty yellow "flowers" in our lawn without the home owners association banging on our door. They really are flowers.
Every single house on our street is different. We have the houses that are practically in shambles and we have the houses that have 100 tacky gnomes in the yard and we have the houses that are perfectly painted with manicured lawns. Our house falls somewhere in the middle. *Remember yellow "flowers".
Every weekend there are at least two garage sales within walking distance.
At least one of our 4 doors leading outside is always unlocked.
We have a huge backyard.
There is a mailbox. With a red flag.
Two of my favorite kids, a high school girl and her little 6 year old brother, come over at least once a week uninvited.
I walk out my house in the evening to find two women digging through my trash can looking for aluminum. They are two of the sweetest ladies you will ever meet and they are coming over for dinner on Saturday night.
We use gas to heat anything in our house. Which means when we leave our house open for month our electric bill is only $12.
My house is within 5 minutes of my old college where I know several dear college ladies who come over weekly to live life with me.
My neighborhood has two parks with playgrounds.
There's a "Helen's Restaurant" within walking distance that smells like smoke all day and you see the same people there every morning. I plan to become a local.

My house is a place of community and solitude; of randomness and seriousness; of laughter and tears; a blend of pouring out and being poured into. It is where I am learning to offer hospitality as the Lord would offer hospitality. It is where I am attempting to allow the Lord to bridge the gulf between myself and the poor around me. It is where I meet people- everyday, lovely people.
1910 you are my home. Come be apart of my home and be family.

Mmmmm... Mountains, Mystery, and Majesty.

Today I long to be in the beauty of the mountains. There is something mysterious and majestic about  the beauty of mountains that causes you to want to be right in them, becoming a part of them. Mountains are a unique beauty, but what is "beauty" even? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what is it that makes one beholder think something is beautiful? Is what we describe of beauty not the representation of needs unsatisfied? Is it not a heart enflamed and a soul enchanted? Beauty is found when your unsatisfied needs are being unveiled. The beauty of the mountains is only truly unveiled when you are climbing them, pushing yourself to the top, that's when you feel a part of them- a piece of their mystery and majesty. To quote Bon Iver, it is when at once I know I am not magnificent. I need to know I am not magnificent. The LORD is so much like that. He is so mysterious and majestic and He can be admired from a far but it's not until you are seeking Him and journeying with Him that that yearning to be a part of Him is satisfied and that need to know that He is so much more than us is met. It can be a hard and grueling and humbling journey but it is such a rewarding journey. It is a journey that must be made on your own, by your own conviction, but it is a journey that is much sweeter with companions by your side, to share in the wonder and awe and to push you on higher and higher. This journey up a mountain and this journey to know our LORD more and more: to be a part of the mystery and majesty and to be made known of our desperate need to be a part of something bigger than ourselves.

Hello blog world. Well, it's been more than a year since my last blog. Oops. But don't say I didn't warn you about my writing habits. This post is going to be all over the place I am pretty sure. What can you expect from a girl that has been called random all her life and from the brain of a night shift worker who tried going to be bed at 10 pm and woke up wide awake at 3:00 am. My roommate Crystal and I both happen to be awake at 4:45. As Crystal puts it, "Our dog sucks." Yep. That about sums it up. Rory. She is our lovely one year old Great Pyrenees that we got from the shelter a couple months ago. She was the best dog when we first got her; she cuddled with us and slept through the night and didn't chew anything. Now 2 months later we have the puppy from Marlee and Me. She chews everything. And barks all night long. And pees in our rooms when we are not home. "Our dog sucks." I could have a whole blog on the adventures of Rory. But I'll save that for another time.
Another comment about this blog one year later. I don't love my cover name. Jello and Creme Brule. What? I am pretty sure I started this blog during another one of my 3:30 am sessions. Hence, the name. I can't figure out how to change it so I guess I will just have to go with it. I hope you don't plaster middle school girl blog too early. I can be deep sometimes. Creme Brule doesn't really convey that though. Oh well.
Ok one more update in my life before I post this and go and attempt to do something more productive than blog about my life. I am going to start the Whole30 this week with two of my friends from work. Supposedly it is going to change my life. I will not eat any gluten or sugar for 30 days. I will eat meat and veggies and fruit for 30 days. Sounds fun right? I have never been on a special diet in my whole life.